Marriage, the Contract
27 August 2010
From me, I’ve failed at the marriage once and the sequel. I was not interested in the concept of marriage, even the first time. For me, marriage is a religious thing and I’m not religious. But my kids make a difference, at least to society that they be raised in wedlock for many including my first wife. I have two girls by my 1st marriage, who I love more than anything and I want to be involved with them with everyday. But, I’m male and society judges you for that gender and if you’re a man, you are a secondary influence. True, but changing.
After my 1st divorce, I went through another long term relationship. I gained a girlfriend, then wife and a son, hers. Now, we didn’t really want to get married again…but… We did mostly since society makes it difficult not to. The primary reason we married again was to reduce the cost of health insurance in half. Yes, half because we were paying for insurance our own families out of pocket and both policie$$$.
Hell, even just one policy these days is getting **very expen$ive** for even those doing well. I can’t imagine if for those who aren’t. As it approaches and soon surpasses your housing expense, what will we do as a society?
If either I or my second wife were ever out of work, even for a short time, it was impossible to keep our basic needs going. Getting married, eased the financial burden of the life we wanted to live. Getting married again was difficult, but it was doing something that neither of us felt comfortable with. For some reason, it added to life’s stresses and strains. We tried to work through those… I wish we didn’t *have* to. Mixing families is difficult enough.
For me, marriage *is* and always will be a religious thing, and I don’t belong there. I’m not in the club. Civil unions should be what all of them be classified and gender-agnostic. Why why do we need special or new laws? Can’t the union all just be partnerships, as in a business sense or basically a non-profit. Home is a business anyway, isn’t it. What’s the product? Love, happiness, family, kids, +. Why can’t we control who’s in our partnership and why should anyone, any entity, or any government care, but my insurance provider care? If we make a deal, then we have a deal, right? It’s a business transaction, simple.
In Wikipedia, [Marriage](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage) is social, religious, spiritual or legal union of individuals acknowledged by the state and/or the church. The church covers most of the social, religious and spiritual side of the deal and that fits with my point of view. Why does the government care or anybody else for that matter. Isn’t it a private thing?
BUT… The state, the fed mostly, on the other hand, primarily considers it a **contact**. Most of us would consider it a contract between two individuals or *the union* as defined above. Why a contract?
A contact is an exchange of promises. The marriage contract is actually a contact between more than 2 parties, at least here in the USA. Huh? Yes, it is an *implied* contract between the two marrying but also a contract with each of them and as a pair back to society. While society does not have a lot of say in the creation of the contact, it is on the hook for many of its benefits:
1. tax benefits
2. power of attorney to act for the other
3. custody and legal guardian decisions about and for the children
4. financial merging or partnership or an exchange of promise
That is a lot of stuff to be ‘gained’ automatically. Even more concerning is that often you can enter this contract without a pledge at all in many states with a common-law marriage definition in many places.
With that much at stake, why does society make it harder to separate than marry?
It *is* what it is, but the arguments about who can marry and not? Why is really about that at all. I don’t think many on the [Defense of Marriage]() side as only the union of a man and a woman. What are the DOM afraid of? Giving away the benefits? It doesn’t seem so, from the arguments I hear. It seems that are mostly concerned with the belittling of the *name* Marriage and mostly I think in the religious sense. Love thy partner!